Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Choosing Life
Sometimes you just wake up and you know it's going to be okay. Whatever the struggle is, you learn to just chill out. Well I've been super stressed lately for various reasons and I've been a weirdo hermit type, just hiding from everyone and the world and then feeling sorry for myself. And I woke up today, I felt better, I decided that it wasn't all that bad, and that I wanted to be alive. I decided that I didn't want to feel sorry for myself. I want to move on. The only thing that scares me is my reaction to stress, I used to be able to handle more it seems. Maybe it's not that I could handle more it's just that I had all these indulgences to fill that hole, the hurt. Now I have God but I'm not really trusting him, so I stay in this raw state. Hmmm interesting.... never thought of it that way until I started typing. When did I become so untrusting?
Plus, I'm thinking of renaming my dog to Kujo. I think it's funny, so do other people I've mentioned it to. Why not? I had a fish named Spike and I have one named Flushy. Eli is a great name but Kujo is just priceless. That means I'm going to have to toughen up my little dog's image. I'm sure they have Harley Davidson stuff for dogs, like leather jackets and biker hats. At the very least I'm getting a spiked collar for him. I knew they'd have stuff.
Sometimes you just wake up and you know it's going to be okay. Whatever the struggle is, you learn to just chill out. Well I've been super stressed lately for various reasons and I've been a weirdo hermit type, just hiding from everyone and the world and then feeling sorry for myself. And I woke up today, I felt better, I decided that it wasn't all that bad, and that I wanted to be alive. I decided that I didn't want to feel sorry for myself. I want to move on. The only thing that scares me is my reaction to stress, I used to be able to handle more it seems. Maybe it's not that I could handle more it's just that I had all these indulgences to fill that hole, the hurt. Now I have God but I'm not really trusting him, so I stay in this raw state. Hmmm interesting.... never thought of it that way until I started typing. When did I become so untrusting?
Plus, I'm thinking of renaming my dog to Kujo. I think it's funny, so do other people I've mentioned it to. Why not? I had a fish named Spike and I have one named Flushy. Eli is a great name but Kujo is just priceless. That means I'm going to have to toughen up my little dog's image. I'm sure they have Harley Davidson stuff for dogs, like leather jackets and biker hats. At the very least I'm getting a spiked collar for him. I knew they'd have stuff.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Eli, puppy muffin, spanky, etc.
Eli is really cute and I love him. Adjusting to this new life is much more mentally taxing than I thought it would. The actual physical part is just fine. I don't mind waking up and taking him outside to potty, nor do I mind cleaning up the poop inside. It's more that I worry about him and training him properly and I worry about him liking men, he seems to be afraid of men. Weird. But I love him and I'm committed to working with him and his issues, he really is a good boy. So I need some encouragement with my sweetie. So dog friendly play dates would be great! Let me know if you're interested:) ¶ 11/28/2005
Eli is really cute and I love him. Adjusting to this new life is much more mentally taxing than I thought it would. The actual physical part is just fine. I don't mind waking up and taking him outside to potty, nor do I mind cleaning up the poop inside. It's more that I worry about him and training him properly and I worry about him liking men, he seems to be afraid of men. Weird. But I love him and I'm committed to working with him and his issues, he really is a good boy. So I need some encouragement with my sweetie. So dog friendly play dates would be great! Let me know if you're interested:) ¶ 11/28/2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Elijah and Harry Potter
We had turkey and dressing in the cafeteria at school today (it was totally old school) and a dessert potluck. It was satisfying. I'm still full!! Ready to be home, in my bed, under the covers sleeping to get strength for going out to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire. I can't wait, it should be really fun. Cat comes in town today and hanging out with her will be a welcome diversion too.
On another front, I've started looking for a dog. This will be my first adult pet. I've waited for a really long time, to be old enough, mature enough, patient enough. Now that I think I've fully entered adulthood, I'm getting a chihuahua. I have an appointment to meet a rescue dog named Elijah. He's a red fawn and white, 7lb male chihuahua from Jack's Angels of Fur Rescue in Austin. I'm looking forward to some companionship around the house and days in the park. Wish me luck! ¶ 11/17/2005
Talk to Me:
We had turkey and dressing in the cafeteria at school today (it was totally old school) and a dessert potluck. It was satisfying. I'm still full!! Ready to be home, in my bed, under the covers sleeping to get strength for going out to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire. I can't wait, it should be really fun. Cat comes in town today and hanging out with her will be a welcome diversion too.
On another front, I've started looking for a dog. This will be my first adult pet. I've waited for a really long time, to be old enough, mature enough, patient enough. Now that I think I've fully entered adulthood, I'm getting a chihuahua. I have an appointment to meet a rescue dog named Elijah. He's a red fawn and white, 7lb male chihuahua from Jack's Angels of Fur Rescue in Austin. I'm looking forward to some companionship around the house and days in the park. Wish me luck! ¶ 11/17/2005
Talk to Me:
Was SOOO great to see you this weekend! Thanks for coming out on Friday, and thanks for hosting Caroline on Saturday! Love you lots!
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Pissy Little Redhead
I have just felt so incredibly pissy lately. I know that I have no real reason for feeling this way but all I want to do is be alone and read. I don't want to be at work. I want to be at home in my bed with plenty of bon bons and melancholy songs from REM, the shins or death cab for cutie. I want sushi, chocolate cake, chips and salsa, brownies, steak, chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, and turkey and stuffing. Thank god Thanksgiving is around the corner!! My food fantasies will all come true....muhahahahahahahah muhahahahahah muhahahahahahah and then I will try and take over the world.
On a very nice note, my mom is coming to visit me:) I'm looking forward to hanging out with her. ¶ 11/09/2005
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I have just felt so incredibly pissy lately. I know that I have no real reason for feeling this way but all I want to do is be alone and read. I don't want to be at work. I want to be at home in my bed with plenty of bon bons and melancholy songs from REM, the shins or death cab for cutie. I want sushi, chocolate cake, chips and salsa, brownies, steak, chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, and turkey and stuffing. Thank god Thanksgiving is around the corner!! My food fantasies will all come true....muhahahahahahahah muhahahahahah muhahahahahahah and then I will try and take over the world.
On a very nice note, my mom is coming to visit me:) I'm looking forward to hanging out with her. ¶ 11/09/2005
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I make myself laugh sometimes because I get a bit dramatic. When I say I want to be alone all the time that means, I don't mind being alone part of the day. I'm so full of it sometimes. I actually had a really nice dinner with my sister, stephanie and my mom. We ate at Enoteca, a smaller more laid back version of Vespaio. The food was amazing!!! The prices were good too. I'm serious if you like italian this place is awesome!!!
Yeah, I've been feeling a little mopey too. It's the Fall feeling. Like Fall colors and Fall fashion. Moping is *IN*. Dig it...
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Sunday, November 06, 2005
Who says life is meaningless?
All I can say is wow!!
Nice to see you Casey and Nicole!!! I'm so glad you came to visit Austin!!
All I can say is wow!!
Nice to see you Casey and Nicole!!! I'm so glad you came to visit Austin!!