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Friday, October 28, 2005
  Cherished Photos
I love moving for one reason only. (Otherwise I hate it.) I love it because I get to go through all of my pictures and see all of the awesome people that I have known and know. So many people! So many people I've loved and ones that I still miss so much. I miss Ryan, Marcus, Justin, Travis and Molly, Renee (I miss her desperately), John D., CJ, Kim, Melissa, Kristi, Molly G., Cat, Suzan, Kris, Andrew S., Freida, Teri, AJ and Ed. There are so many more that I miss... I can't even name everyone.
 
Thursday, October 20, 2005
  Fun Times At the Armadillo World Headquarters
Andrew, Rachel and I went out to hear some live music last night. We got to hear Bob Schneider's Bluegrass Massacre band. We laughed as very white people tried to dance to the latin beats. They faired much better when a polka was played though. I thank the performance of "super white guy" and his "ladies,"for much laughter and revelry. Rachel and I got wacky on the diet cokes and I even did a few spins on the plastic picnic tables. And of course Bob was entertaining as always and hot in a way that only Bob Schneider can be. Special thanks to Andrew who came up with this lovely idea.
 
Monday, October 17, 2005
  The Reality
With all my talk of community, my heart is a bit bitter, I must confess. I find myself just as alone as ever. At least I talked myself out of most of my self-pity today, cooked dinner, made muffins, brewed tea, and did some laundry. I was productive. I went to Primo to study and I left my book at school. Arg!!! At least Primo is playing some bomb music like....Weird Science, Connected by Stereo MC's and some Cure.
 
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
  Learning to User Stylesheets
Okay so I know enough to be dangerous. I'm playing with a new template but I don't really understand exactly how it works. Mostly, I just don't understand alot of HTML tags. So it's 2am and I'm tired. My readers will have to be contented with an improperly space weirdo blog.
 
Monday, October 03, 2005
  Hanging Out
I'm just hanging out with my parents here in SA. Seeing them has been really nice but after dinner I am so bored. I don't want to watch endless TV but that is pretty much their only evening entertainment. I remember begging as a kid for them to play games with me. I was rarely successful. But seeing them is great, I really miss them a bunch. So I bought a an ATARI 2600 retro thing for thirty bucks and it has 40 games preloaded, talk about retro...wow...centipede is so awesome. Now I must get the regular nintendo and play endless rounds of super mario 2 and 3. I'm thinking of baking to ease the boredom here. I could study, I should study...and I used to be such a model student. I could watch endless hours of HGTV and TLC and watch them cut down dorky people for the way they dress. That show is brutal!! (What Not to Wear) I can't help but feel so sorry for the people they attack. Some, do need the clothes, and maybe $5000 is worth being cut down on national TV, but I don't know. Anyways, I do feel for them. And my parents watch the 700 Club, really loud! I am a christian but I can't watch that crap, it's such glurge. I can't believe they show people taking a step in faith and they say and "they never stopped giving to the 700 Club." Excuse me, I think I need a barf bag.
 
Sunday, October 02, 2005
  Brick Walls
Sometimes, seemingly randomly, but is usually not, I get overwhelmed and upset with multiple people, at multiple circumstances, and it gets to be too much. I keep trying for something deeper (this applies to all relationships, family ones, friends, and romantic ones). I bang my head against a wall, repeatedly, until I wake up and realize we're in baby pool level when I was hoping for at least 4ft deep, wondering if my dream of the high dive pool even exists. I don't understand shallow. It's just not a level that I operate well on.

People have so many walls up and these walls hurt me more than people will ever know. What scares me even more is this makes me feel like hiding away because I think I'll never get what I need. And then my wall goes up and I turn into the very thing I hate. I talk about accepting pain because I really want to be gracious, I want to turn my cheek, but I'm just human like anyone else.

On the bright side and there is usually always a bright side, I did get an email from someone I did not expect to get one from. Very nice. Also, I got to spend the night last night with my grandparents and help them around the house today. It was very wonderful to see them again. My granny just got out of the rehabilitation hospital for her surgery on her knee and she was so ready to be home. Tomorrow, my mother and I are going on operation furnish house so that things will be ready for Christmas. I demand that blinds be up in the kitchen instead of last years christmas wrapping paper. "I mean what are we trying to say here? This is so 5th century beggar."