Friday, September 30, 2005
Feeling Down
So yeah, I've been feeling down for the past week. I wanted to say thanks to those who were there for me when I needed it most. You are true friends. Much love to you. ¶ 9/30/2005
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So yeah, I've been feeling down for the past week. I wanted to say thanks to those who were there for me when I needed it most. You are true friends. Much love to you. ¶ 9/30/2005
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I like to think of myself as a kitten and you're another kitten and we play and fight over the little fuzzy mice with the bells inside:)
but the two kitten scenario just doesn't fly...cuz you're a nice, purry, friendly calico and i'm a jekell & hyde black mau...we'd play well most of the time until i freak out and then what?
so we need a lau-kitty to really round out our group play fun. :D
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so we need a lau-kitty to really round out our group play fun. :D
Monday, September 26, 2005
Time is Required
What always seems to bite me in the butt, is the fact that it takes more time to get over someone than you ever think it will. I'm always surprised to find these emotions come up when previously I thought I was just fine. I almost feel like my emotions ambush me. It is extremely annoying to find oneself pissed off over things you can't control, and when there is no one really to blame. Because you know deep down inside that this person is being protective of his/herself and they are in the same boat as you. A big UGH!!!!
I have learned the lesson in life is that you just have to embrace pain, feel it, let it wash over you, make healthy choices for dealing with it and then be done with it. Because if you run from it, if you don't feel it, it will chase you down somewhere along the road when you are even weaker and it will be ten million times worse. The hope is that you learn something and move on. One of the biggest lessons in life is to let go of control, it is an illusion like Ted said today. Surrender is one of the most important things a person can learn, it seems like this is a need that is deeply embedded in our psyche but can get us into big trouble if we surrender to the wrong thing. (Isn't it funny how evil works, it takes a good thing and twists is just slightly.) For example, surrendering to your heroin addiction might not be good for your longevity. ¶ 9/26/2005
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What always seems to bite me in the butt, is the fact that it takes more time to get over someone than you ever think it will. I'm always surprised to find these emotions come up when previously I thought I was just fine. I almost feel like my emotions ambush me. It is extremely annoying to find oneself pissed off over things you can't control, and when there is no one really to blame. Because you know deep down inside that this person is being protective of his/herself and they are in the same boat as you. A big UGH!!!!
I have learned the lesson in life is that you just have to embrace pain, feel it, let it wash over you, make healthy choices for dealing with it and then be done with it. Because if you run from it, if you don't feel it, it will chase you down somewhere along the road when you are even weaker and it will be ten million times worse. The hope is that you learn something and move on. One of the biggest lessons in life is to let go of control, it is an illusion like Ted said today. Surrender is one of the most important things a person can learn, it seems like this is a need that is deeply embedded in our psyche but can get us into big trouble if we surrender to the wrong thing. (Isn't it funny how evil works, it takes a good thing and twists is just slightly.) For example, surrendering to your heroin addiction might not be good for your longevity. ¶ 9/26/2005
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
Shopping Saturday
Hanna and I decided to go shopping today. Since we ever rarely go, usually only for food, we decided to treat ourselves. I used the ol plastic to get some new clothes for school. (I think that sounds funny because I'm 28 and I still go to school...heh heh) But my most decadent purchase was Hot Cocoa flavored body wash, shampoo, and bubble bath in one and some beautiful eye shadows. WHOA! I dropped some cash. I think when you restrict yourself so much you tend to go a bit crazy. I'm so tired of being poor, it's getting really really old. Anyways, Hanna and I had sooooooo much fun today and we got some super cute stuff. One more happy thing is that I now wear a size 6 at the Gap. I'm so stoked about losing this weight. I've tried really hard to put good healthy and most importantly balanced foods into my diet. And it's finally paying off. Eleven pounds down, and only ten more pounds to go!!! ¶ 9/24/2005
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Hanna and I decided to go shopping today. Since we ever rarely go, usually only for food, we decided to treat ourselves. I used the ol plastic to get some new clothes for school. (I think that sounds funny because I'm 28 and I still go to school...heh heh) But my most decadent purchase was Hot Cocoa flavored body wash, shampoo, and bubble bath in one and some beautiful eye shadows. WHOA! I dropped some cash. I think when you restrict yourself so much you tend to go a bit crazy. I'm so tired of being poor, it's getting really really old. Anyways, Hanna and I had sooooooo much fun today and we got some super cute stuff. One more happy thing is that I now wear a size 6 at the Gap. I'm so stoked about losing this weight. I've tried really hard to put good healthy and most importantly balanced foods into my diet. And it's finally paying off. Eleven pounds down, and only ten more pounds to go!!! ¶ 9/24/2005
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We were poor before...and we are even poorer now. But it's amazing how a little self-indulgence adds that little frisson of glee to break up the monotony of normal life. :)
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Friday, September 23, 2005
Understanding
I'm starting to understand why some people may not necessarily like reading my blog. And let me say this, my blog is for me. Read it if you want, but essentially it is for my benefit. I'm not trying to be entertaining or particularly intellectual. I'm not a news service. I don't take advertising. I don't believe in purity in art. This blog is an extension of me. I mostly operate on an emotional plane, therefore my blogs mostly contain how I feel about the day, interactions with people, news, etc. While I appreciate those bloggers who have something to say outside themselves, something witty, something academic, etc, I know that most of the time I am not one of those bloggers. So if you link to my site, link because you like me as a person not because my blog is special, but because you care about me.
About today: there are three kids in my class today, between ACL fest, the hurricane and the fact that this is the last day of the quinmester (five of them in a year, eight weeks long each), the teenagers decided not to show, I really can't blame them, I would've done the same thing. Honestly this makes my day very chill and I love these days where we end up playing scrabble with the other teachers and teacher aides. ¶ 9/23/2005
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I'm starting to understand why some people may not necessarily like reading my blog. And let me say this, my blog is for me. Read it if you want, but essentially it is for my benefit. I'm not trying to be entertaining or particularly intellectual. I'm not a news service. I don't take advertising. I don't believe in purity in art. This blog is an extension of me. I mostly operate on an emotional plane, therefore my blogs mostly contain how I feel about the day, interactions with people, news, etc. While I appreciate those bloggers who have something to say outside themselves, something witty, something academic, etc, I know that most of the time I am not one of those bloggers. So if you link to my site, link because you like me as a person not because my blog is special, but because you care about me.
About today: there are three kids in my class today, between ACL fest, the hurricane and the fact that this is the last day of the quinmester (five of them in a year, eight weeks long each), the teenagers decided not to show, I really can't blame them, I would've done the same thing. Honestly this makes my day very chill and I love these days where we end up playing scrabble with the other teachers and teacher aides. ¶ 9/23/2005
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*huggles* i gotta agree with ya on the blog, sista. i started mine originally just to keep my friends updated on my doings and thoughts...and gee, it's still like that.
Yeah, Amen. Me three. And I just get a kick out of posting pretty pictures and strange links. Heheh.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Happy Thankful Tuesday
I just found out that I will be going to see the Dalai Lama today. Thanks to my sweet roomie who gave me her ticket!! Apparently, I've even received the coolest person award for today from Andrew. Thanks man, it means alot. Yesterday Tim was nice enough to have me over for some Sega and Nintendo action. He even fed me, how sweet. Thanks so much Tim for making me feel so welcome!! You are a great host. Most of my friends know that if you feed me you'll have a friend for life. So today I have much to be thankful for!
I just found out that I will be going to see the Dalai Lama today. Thanks to my sweet roomie who gave me her ticket!! Apparently, I've even received the coolest person award for today from Andrew. Thanks man, it means alot. Yesterday Tim was nice enough to have me over for some Sega and Nintendo action. He even fed me, how sweet. Thanks so much Tim for making me feel so welcome!! You are a great host. Most of my friends know that if you feed me you'll have a friend for life. So today I have much to be thankful for!
Friday, September 16, 2005
Some bright moments in the article
So yes, there are challenges, but there are benefits too:) This was quoted directly from the article.
"TRUTH #2
Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship than women [aside from me...wait keep reading, don't write it off yet]
There are proven--and apparent--distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.
In Sapadin's study, men rated cross-sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking most was talking and relating to women--something they can't do with their buddies. Meanwhile, women rated their same-sex friendships higher on all these counts. They expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, explains Sapadin, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them. "Women confide in women," notes blieszner. "Men confide in women."
TRUTH #3
...but women benefit, too
All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who's stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. "Friendships with men are lighter, more fun," says Sapadin. "Men aren't so sensitive about things." Some women in her study also liked the protective, familial and casual warmth they got from men, viewing them as surrogate big brothers. What they liked most of all, however, was getting some insight into what guys really think.
TRUTH #4
Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding
Although women dig men's lighthearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women's emotionally-involving friendships more than they do men's activity-oriented relationships, according to Kathy Werking, Ph.D., an assistant professor of communications at Eastern Kentucky University and author of We're Just Good Friends (Guilford, 1997). Her work has shown that the No. 1 thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer--like dining out and going for drives--simply facilitate that communication. In fact, Werking found, close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive if they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. "Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships," she says. "Females appreciate garnering the male perspective on their lives.""
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Can Women and Men Be Friends?
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=36827 ¶ 9/15/2005
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http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=36827 ¶ 9/15/2005
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"Men and women are also becoming more androgynous as their societal roles become more similar. "Men are more willing to have feminine characteristics, and women are a lot more willing to admit to traditionally masculine characteristics, like assertiveness," says Monsour. His dissertation showed that women and men categorized as androgynous had twice the number of cross-sex friends"
I think I am androgenous.
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I think I am androgenous.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Fig Tart
Today, I had this strong urge to cook and when it strikes, I absolutely have to do something about it. So today I made shrimp scampi with broccoli and a fig tart for dessert. The scampi was so so, it was my first time to make scampi and I over cooked the shrimp a bit, poop. However there's a happy side to this story too. I made a fig tart modified from the Deborah Madison, Local Flavors cookbook. If anyone knows about Deborah Madison, she's such an amazing cookbook writer. I strongly urge you to check her out. I actually got my book signed by her when I worked for the Sustainable Food Center. Okay here's where I nerd out, the fig tart was made with a whole wheat and buckwheat crust, had no sugar, made with honey, orange flower water, egg, ricotta, and a bit of yogurt which was substituted for the creme fraiche. So this fig tart was totally healthy and very much a whole food. I feel so victorious when I make something healthy and tasty. I'm such a food dork. On top of the tart, tonight was really lovely because I got to hang out with Paul, Hanna, and Rachel at Primo. I didn't get much homework done but ahhhh it sure was fun. ¶ 9/13/2005
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Today, I had this strong urge to cook and when it strikes, I absolutely have to do something about it. So today I made shrimp scampi with broccoli and a fig tart for dessert. The scampi was so so, it was my first time to make scampi and I over cooked the shrimp a bit, poop. However there's a happy side to this story too. I made a fig tart modified from the Deborah Madison, Local Flavors cookbook. If anyone knows about Deborah Madison, she's such an amazing cookbook writer. I strongly urge you to check her out. I actually got my book signed by her when I worked for the Sustainable Food Center. Okay here's where I nerd out, the fig tart was made with a whole wheat and buckwheat crust, had no sugar, made with honey, orange flower water, egg, ricotta, and a bit of yogurt which was substituted for the creme fraiche. So this fig tart was totally healthy and very much a whole food. I feel so victorious when I make something healthy and tasty. I'm such a food dork. On top of the tart, tonight was really lovely because I got to hang out with Paul, Hanna, and Rachel at Primo. I didn't get much homework done but ahhhh it sure was fun. ¶ 9/13/2005
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On an entirely unrelated note, I decided on a last minute trip to Austin next week! Let's hang out. Let's maybe even potluck if we think people would be open to it. Call me? Email me? Let's make plans!
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
Halloween
Hey guys, does anyone want to go as a raver with me to the festivities for Halloween? I can totally dress you up!!! All we need to make are some "candy" bracelets and necklaces. It will be totally sweet!! And I can take an old pair of jeans and sew in some material and you can be a super old school raver before there were Kikwear and Jeanco fat huge pants. If you're a short lady you can wear some of my big pants too!! Ok, so I saved them to show my kids one day...I think it will make for an awesome laugh. There are many flavors of ravers, simply watch the movie Groove and see. ¶ 9/10/2005
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Hey guys, does anyone want to go as a raver with me to the festivities for Halloween? I can totally dress you up!!! All we need to make are some "candy" bracelets and necklaces. It will be totally sweet!! And I can take an old pair of jeans and sew in some material and you can be a super old school raver before there were Kikwear and Jeanco fat huge pants. If you're a short lady you can wear some of my big pants too!! Ok, so I saved them to show my kids one day...I think it will make for an awesome laugh. There are many flavors of ravers, simply watch the movie Groove and see. ¶ 9/10/2005
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While a raver would be fun, I kind of want to go as a Carnival/Brazilian Show Girl. If you have any of those costumes in your closet, I'd be quite appreciative. :)
wow...a great reason for me to break out the crazy makeup and glitter as well...and to hug everyone i meet and tell them how pretty they are. yes.
check back with me on the idea closer to all hallows...i have changeable moods as you well know! ;)
check back with me on the idea closer to all hallows...i have changeable moods as you well know! ;)
dang. That sounds super fun pants. I remember the big raver pants. I owned a couple of pairs even though I was never a raver...only went to one rave in my life. But I liked the big swooshy tent pants anyway. :) I set my heart on being calavera Catrina this year. You know I luv dia de los muertos and I just think it'd be fun to be a fancy skelly. Your post reminded me that it's coming right up. I hear Saver's has already put out their Halloween goods. We should make a trip.
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Something I use in the classroom
My friend Brian told me something that I now often quote to complaining students. I tell them you aren't going to complain your way into a better life. I use this tough love technique in order to get them back on track. Not sure what effect it has on them but sometimes it does get them to quit bitching for a minute or so. I'm so sick of the bitching. I found out yesterday that one of my students was special ed and I didn't know he was because I haven't been responsible for the sped paperwork this year. And to top it all off he's emotionally disturbed. I don't know in what way but please pray for him. He's angry and he wants answers and reasons for everything he has to learn. It's a constant battle between him, me, and his other teachers. At some point he's going to have to trust us that we in fact do have his best interest at heart, because as far as graduating high school goes, we sure do. If he doesn't like what we're required by law to teach him, he can take it up with the Texas Higher Board of Education and good luck with that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN-pants!!!! Happy big two-five!!
Grad school take so much time. Just one class takes up so much time!!! But I'm almost done with my certification classes and then on to student teaching.
My friend Brian told me something that I now often quote to complaining students. I tell them you aren't going to complain your way into a better life. I use this tough love technique in order to get them back on track. Not sure what effect it has on them but sometimes it does get them to quit bitching for a minute or so. I'm so sick of the bitching. I found out yesterday that one of my students was special ed and I didn't know he was because I haven't been responsible for the sped paperwork this year. And to top it all off he's emotionally disturbed. I don't know in what way but please pray for him. He's angry and he wants answers and reasons for everything he has to learn. It's a constant battle between him, me, and his other teachers. At some point he's going to have to trust us that we in fact do have his best interest at heart, because as far as graduating high school goes, we sure do. If he doesn't like what we're required by law to teach him, he can take it up with the Texas Higher Board of Education and good luck with that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN-pants!!!! Happy big two-five!!
Grad school take so much time. Just one class takes up so much time!!! But I'm almost done with my certification classes and then on to student teaching.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
My Car is Paid For!!
I paid off my car today!!! That makes me feel so good!!! Now I have more money!!! Plus I'm saving $100 in rent each month too! Sweetness!!
-Laura ¶ 9/08/2005
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I paid off my car today!!! That makes me feel so good!!! Now I have more money!!! Plus I'm saving $100 in rent each month too! Sweetness!!
-Laura ¶ 9/08/2005
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Monday, September 05, 2005
Epaphroditus
I wanna be like Epaphroditus. Do many people know who he is? I doubt it but Paul used words like faithful worker, and courageous to describe him in Phillipians. If I could act like he did, in love for others, and not focused on himself, then I'd be a much better person. To be like Epaphroditus...
I helped for about two and a half hours down at the convention center with the refugees in the morning yesterday. I had to leave to volunteer at church but just the time I was there was so completely touching. I wish I had more to give. I wish I wasn't so worried about getting my own life in order. My kitchen is still in boxes, my room not decorated, there are menus to be planned, laundry to be cleaned, pictures to be put up, towels to be folded, etc. It all seems so stupid in comparison to helping those who need food, someone to talk to and a place to lay their heads. Tim was there helping from 7am to like 9pm at night. Kelly went down there too. You guys are awesome, I have so much respect for you two. I just wanted you to know. You are Epaphroditus. ¶ 9/05/2005
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I wanna be like Epaphroditus. Do many people know who he is? I doubt it but Paul used words like faithful worker, and courageous to describe him in Phillipians. If I could act like he did, in love for others, and not focused on himself, then I'd be a much better person. To be like Epaphroditus...
I helped for about two and a half hours down at the convention center with the refugees in the morning yesterday. I had to leave to volunteer at church but just the time I was there was so completely touching. I wish I had more to give. I wish I wasn't so worried about getting my own life in order. My kitchen is still in boxes, my room not decorated, there are menus to be planned, laundry to be cleaned, pictures to be put up, towels to be folded, etc. It all seems so stupid in comparison to helping those who need food, someone to talk to and a place to lay their heads. Tim was there helping from 7am to like 9pm at night. Kelly went down there too. You guys are awesome, I have so much respect for you two. I just wanted you to know. You are Epaphroditus. ¶ 9/05/2005
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Sometimes you automatically respond to things like this and surprise yourself. Perhaps I'm just cracked-out tired.
But yes.
Werd, Laura...werd.
But yes.
Werd, Laura...werd.
That's awesome Laura! I'm so glad y'all went down there. I'd heard rumors that they weren't allowing any more volunteers in but perhaps that was just about the Berger Center and not the Convention Center. Anyhow, I spent my efforts getting lots of food and baby supplies and taking them to the food bank. But I'm looking forward to helping in a more hands on way as well. Niki, my herbalist, told me about going to the convention center and taking her flower essences with her (very subtle emotional medicine) and just listening to people's stories. It seems like that may be one of the greatest needs...just to let people know that they are heard. Maybe not by the federal government but by normal folks like them.
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Friday, September 02, 2005
It Hurts When You're Just Trying to Help
So my work has just been crazy lately. I keep getting more students, my lunch is shorter and there are no breaks between classes. I have to say I miss the breaks the most, they are good for my mental health. I just feel so spent after the first three classes in a row and then lunch is not long enough to recover. Ugh, and today on top of it, there is one student I've really tried to pour my help into and she just threw me an attitude at me today. It just really hurts when all I've been is nice and extra helpful. You think, "Fine you want to believe that you can't do it, well then you can't. I can help with math, but I can't change your crappy ass attitude." But then you have to remember that this girl has struggled in school for many many years and you're getting her at the end of the road. She has a horrible self-esteem, problems with her parents, and who knows what else. You also have to remember that you're the adult and she is the child. It's just so frustrating sometimes because I have feelings and they can certainly be hurt by these kids!! ¶ 9/02/2005
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So my work has just been crazy lately. I keep getting more students, my lunch is shorter and there are no breaks between classes. I have to say I miss the breaks the most, they are good for my mental health. I just feel so spent after the first three classes in a row and then lunch is not long enough to recover. Ugh, and today on top of it, there is one student I've really tried to pour my help into and she just threw me an attitude at me today. It just really hurts when all I've been is nice and extra helpful. You think, "Fine you want to believe that you can't do it, well then you can't. I can help with math, but I can't change your crappy ass attitude." But then you have to remember that this girl has struggled in school for many many years and you're getting her at the end of the road. She has a horrible self-esteem, problems with her parents, and who knows what else. You also have to remember that you're the adult and she is the child. It's just so frustrating sometimes because I have feelings and they can certainly be hurt by these kids!! ¶ 9/02/2005
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Yes,
It's a difficult position you're in but, as you said, these kids have years of patterns and possibly unsupportive teachers. They're lucky to have someone as caring as you. I'm sure I was bratty to my teachers sometimes in school just because there was shit going on at home, etc. Just remember that they're sure to appreciate you and all of your energy, even if it doesn't dawn on them until they've graduated! Love ya. :)
It's a difficult position you're in but, as you said, these kids have years of patterns and possibly unsupportive teachers. They're lucky to have someone as caring as you. I'm sure I was bratty to my teachers sometimes in school just because there was shit going on at home, etc. Just remember that they're sure to appreciate you and all of your energy, even if it doesn't dawn on them until they've graduated! Love ya. :)
I admire you for sticking to such a difficult position. I know it sucks sometimes, so please please vent to us as needed. Hang in there...like Lau said, the kids will remember your kindness, and your efforts are not wasted. That kernel can certainly take root...thank you for adding more good to this world, Miss Laura. I feel fortunate to know so many good people in life, and it's accentuated by the actions of the not-so-good. :)
I know it's not easy, but I also know that's exactly why you're there. The kids who really need the most support can be toughest, but also the most important. Someday they'll think back and fondly think of what it felt like to have a postive supoortive adult in their life who showed them kindness when others let them fail. Keep up the good work!
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